Mental Parents

I think i am going through a weird period in my life, my adoption life. I feel like we should not have any fun or doing anything without Z because she is not here yet. Like we are going to go on vacation to see R family and i feel a little guilty. It feels like we should be going to see her i know this is not possible but i still feel like that what we should do. I really miss her and i guess this is natural? When me and R go places we always wonder "will Z like this?" "what will she like to do?" i think we even have her wedding planned , well at least college. We always go over different scenarios, Like we will see a girl in the mall with her boyfriend she looks to be about 15 or 16 and she is making out with her him and me and R think we are never letting Z out of the house.We are always thinking and coming up with solutions to up coming predicaments that we might encounter later in life So i guess at this point in our adoption journey we are just mental parents not physically.

THE POLICE

On Saturday we went to see The Police live in concert. Can I just say it was amazing. Now I think that i have said this before but R is a drummer and has played for 26 years and his biggest influence is Stewart Copeland(the drummer) This is their last tour ever so I was so happy that R got to see his favorite band of all time. This is the second time we have seen this tour we went last June to Vegas that was so much fun. My favorite is Gordon Sumner(Sting) and as you can see he is gorgeous. We have been to a lot of concerts in our life that is what we like to do.The Police is one of the best we have ever seen. For those of you who would like to know more about them i included these web sites and i recommend if you do not have any of their music get some it is great

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Police

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sting_%28musician%29

http://www.thepolice.com/

Vacation

We are going to St Louis and i am so excited. this is where R's mom lives and really the rest of his family. We will also visiting his Brother in Ohio it is just a 5 or 6 hour drive from his moms house. These are pictures from when we went a couple of years ago. We went up in the arch. It was actual kind of scary it felt like it was moving, but then again i do not like heights.

"Medika Mamba"

Here is an article that i got off a yahoo group about the food shortage in Haiti. at the end of the article it talks about "Medika Mamba" this is something that we are tyring to get into our orphanage

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080720/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/haiti_hidden_hunger

more boredom

As many of you know i have been out of work with a back injury. So needless to say i have had a lot of time to watch T.V. and summer T.V. at that. But yesterday one of my favorite shows started back on, PROJECT RUNWAY yeah it is on bravo and it is the greatest. For those of you who have a life, this show is about fashion designers I have watched all 4 seasons this will be the fifth they battle it out every week this week that had to make a garment using stuff from a grocery store. I just have to say this show rocks. I am also watching Last comic standing. Both of these show had people from Utah in them so we will see how they do. boredom

Feeling Better

I had a great conversation with L, she is one of the moms that went on the trip with us to Haiti. She was able to go to Haiti in June. She made me feel way better about the birth mom situation. She told me that she has come to the realization that Z will be going home with us and she could not be happier,that she really just wants a better life for Z and that made R and myself feel way better although it is still sad. Haiti is that saddest place on earth well.... the saddest place i have ever been no i am going with on the earth. I think every day,because when you adopt you have a lot of time to think about how much you wish your child was home and we want Z home. I wish she was here because then i would not have enough time to blog i would probably be exhausted and i would actually sleep at night instead of being a insomniac.

Haiti june 2008

not a happy girl

Well today we received a dvd and a cd with pictures of Z on it and also her birth mother and older brother. When we went to the Haiti in January there was a lady that keep saying something to us in Creole. We tried to get someone to translate but no one knew what she was saying. (i guess) So we got back our hotel room and R and I discussed that we thought that this lady was her birth mother. We asked the coordinator's to ask when they came back from the orphanage they just told us that she was her nanny we still thought that there was some thing there but we just left it alone and come to find out the group that went in June found out that it is Z birth mother and she works at the orphanage. I have mixed feeling about this

i am so happy that Z has her birth mom there to get her all the love and attention she needs and i know that this is the best case scenario and it is comforting to know that she is being cared for in the most nurturing way but i feel so sad for the birth mom because she is giving us the greatest gift and when we take her home this will be so heart breaking for both of us and i know that this is true for any birth mom but most of the time the birth mom has left them in the O and does not return. I don't know i am over analyzing this.

WHY?????????

I read something last night on a blog that really made me mad. I set this blog up so that it would be easier to keep in touch with all my adoption friends. and i have read some great blogs about adoption, but last night i came across a blog that was not that nice in my opinion (and we all know about those) now every one has a right to feel how they will about adoption and i knew and was not surprised that there is someone out there that is against it. Just the thing they said. They refereed to the bible, and not being a religious person myself i thought what? this is part of there post

"When the bible speaks of caring for widows ans orphans - it was written in a time when the word "widow" meant any woman without a spouse. That applies to single mothers. Do you think Jesus would advocate taking children from their mothers thousands of miles from their culture to fill the demands of adults who financially support unscrupulous baby brokers?"

I really did not want to put this on there but i thought i was important that you see for your self. Now again i am not religious but i think that Jesus would want happiness for all children. And i am not here to speak for anyone, especially Jesus.

I am not naive enough to think that there are not bad people out there giving adoption a bad name and those are the people who are "baby brokers" but i think the majority of people are doing everything legally and with the best intentions of the child.

Giving a child up for adoption has got to be the hardest thing that a woman can do. Most woman do this so that there child can have a better life. I could never imagine the pain and heartache that goes with this. I do promise to my daughter birth mother that her dreams for her child will not be in vein.

And that all i want to say about that.